Surprise! Gummy Bear and Scotch Diet, Commence!

I made a pretty delicious salad for dinner. Too bad I didn’t really get to eat any of it.
Colorful with lots of good things, plus, since beets remarkably look like a bloody heart when you’re cutting it up, it’s kind of a thematic meal for heart break. I don’t event like salad that much, even a great salad, in my mind, is really only meant to be an accompaniment for something better. But there are people in this world who eat salad as meals and so I found myself home after a long day of work making a salad. We’ll go ahead and call it Broken Heart Beet Salad.

First, prep your beets. Two mid-sized beets baked for about 45 minutes to an hour at 350, until easily pierced by a fork. While they’re cooking, slice up two tomatoes, two peeled cucumbers, and a block of tofu. Fry the tofu in oil with a little bit of salt, pepper, and Maggi seasoning. I used egg-tofu, which is soft and custardy and tastes very eggy, but normal firm tofu will also work. Supreme one orange, cutting it into little chunks. Shell half a cup of pistachios. Make a dressing–dijon mustard based, with truffle oil, olive oil, lemon juice and honey. Cut the skins off the beets and cut them into small pieces. Mix all this good stuff up with the dressing and mixed greens, then crumble plenty of feta on top.

Serve, preferably with a nice baguette and oil, and a crisp glass of white wine. Best case scenario, you will be able to finish this lovely meal. Or, in the case of a broken robot, you can take two bites, and then find out that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore, cry, chug your glass of wine, run outside still in your suit and heels and forget useful things like toothbrushes and glasses or a case for your contacts, and hail a cab while running through your contact list because quite suddenly you realize you are jobless, homeless, and boyfriendless and have no idea where you’re going.

That was...unexpected

On the positive side, my cab driver was a lovely little man who spent the entire ride telling me to not cry and singing me Chinese break up songs that I’m pretty sure he was just making up on the spot and somehow making me sing a Chinese song with him, only the only Chinese song I know is 朋友 or “Friend” so I ended up for like five minutes singing with a face full of snot and leaky red eyes about drinking with good friends. My life is preposterous at times.

What the hell are feelings and WHY AM I HAVING THEM?

I ended up at Bambi and Ginny’s new apartment where Bambi refused to give me whiskey and tried to make me eat Gung Ho pizza but I’ve reached that point where food tastes like sawdust and even if I’m hungry I can’t make myself eat anything so I’m on the chocolate, gummy bear and scotch diet for the foreseeable future. If you read this for cooking inspiration, food posts to be on hiatus until I find a place to live and a kitchen to cook in and the motivation to eat anything, but stay tuned for broken and sad robots pictures if those amuse you.

Damnit that patch is riveted on.


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